i want to tell you

Coming back from California Witchcamp is always a new experience.  Even though I've been to nine camps, the re-entry is often unexpected. Sometimes challenging. Sometimes downright frustrating.

I've lived in a world of magick making, in a community of no cell phones and no distractions, in a woods that knows my name.

I don't want to come back to...this.

In truth, I like my life. Love it, most of the time. I am blessed and comfortable and able to live the way I want to live.

But it's not enough in the afterglow. It's not enough when I realize how disconnected I can become. When I realize there is so much more I could be doing to save this world...and to save myself from myself.

These are tricky thoughts. I want to understand them. I don't. Integration is the hardest part.

So I sit. I listen. I try not to let all of the LOUD come back into my life. I stopped watching TV this year after camp. I started meditating. I started letting myself have thoughts I could hear. I began to write again. I don't want the 'other life' to creep back in.

But it will.  I know this. And I'm sad already.  I'm sad that there will be moments when I forget my magick. There will be times when I make choices that are not in alignment with the me I truly am.

It happens.

With the story of Rhiannon repeating in my head, with the promise to myself to remember how I am a bird of hers, with a commitment to not let all of the convenient lies return, I step forward.

As we sang so many times, "For you, I take a holy risk..." (Thanks Ravyn.)

I meant it. Each time I sang it.  I meant it.

For you. For me. For us. 

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