Into Myself.

I want to write
until the spaces between the words
reveal the answers 
I can’t seem to keep alive
in a jar
no matter how many holes
i poke in the top
no matter how much time I give them
no matter how many excuses I whisper.


Dragging myself
into the land where silence 
doesn’t linger
much
anymore,
I want to be still.


I want to be something more
than what I show everyone else
when my eyes open
when I arrive
half-heartedly.


This life used to be mine,
this song used to sound like me,
and I wonder where I am
whether this shell will crack
softly,
quietly,
at all.


I want to reach out and find
myself
free from the feeling that
everything is too close
and the feeling
that I am too far


I want to rest inside myself
content.
I want to remember who I am
when I wake up


and it is almost dawn.