Stress.

Waking up, tight and clenched.  I can feel the stress welling up from my toes - and it's only 4:45AM.

I've let the stress get to me.  I've let life take me over in such a way that I can not stop and I do not know another way.  Well, that's not true.  I do know what else I could do, but that's something that I've ignored, giving the honorable excuse of 'well we need the money.'

We don't.  But it's become a convenient way to excuse my own self-harming ways.  It's become convenient to explain away the time I spend at my desk, in my head, and away from the world.

I need to change.
I need to change.
I need to change.

I can change, but I need to be bold.  I need to break free, tell some people that I can not be everything for them, that I can not do it all.  And that's okay too.

Because, in the end, I need to take care of me.

I promised I would.