i have been pounded
and thrown into the fire
again and again
i have been reshaped
so many have held the tongs
moving my body
in and out
to the fire
to the water
to the anvil
but i am the blacksmith
i am the healer
the one who knows that to reshape
you have to find the fire
you have to seek the water
you have to return to the forge
again and again
The first ritual I ever led was with my brothers. We'd taken a book that outlined a Catholic mass and we went through the entire script.
If you've ever been to a mass, you'll know there is a priest who leads everything and a few altar boys (yes, just boys in my time).
You have a few people who read the readings, maybe one for each, but the priest is the one who is in charge of keeping things moving.
And you might have a singer or a choir director, depending on how 'important' that mass was.
Distinct separate parts that fit into an outline. You do this when ________ does that.
So with three brothers, it was obvious who was going to be the priest.
In fact, if memory serves, I think I took on all of the roles because I didn't think my brothers were up to the tasks. Sure, they could take communion and listen to the amazing homily from me, but they were to be observers in my ritual guidance.
Oh my. How times have changed.
I remember the early days of my journey into Witchcraft and how I longed for a high priest and priestess. I wanted someone to tell me what to do, how to move, and how to connect.
Just like the priest would.
I wanted someone to just tell me I was doing it right if I just _____________.
I didn't want the responsibility of it all. I also didn't want to share in that responsibility.
Today, I still have a fondness for structure. I still appreciate scripts and roles and outlines. But sometimes, I think you need to get out of the way to let magick do what it wants to do.
I don't think magick wants to be contained or managed or bound in rhymes.
I do think spontaneous, whole-hearted devotion can take on many forms. I think it can take a shortcut mid-ritual, and it can lead to the very places we hesitate to travel.
And I don't think we need to be alone in this journey.
I crave side-by-side, hand in hand magick. The kind of magick that stands up and steps back to make room.
I have found this type of magick in Reclaiming, but it's certainly not the only way.
Hand in hand. Heart to heart.
What is your way?
the rich folds of welcoming
where you belong
born of the water
born of the promise
i am the delight
the morning and evening
on the horizon
Sometimes, I have no idea what to say.
And sometimes, words aren't enough.
This liminal space between here and there is a space of silence.
A still pool of water I don't want to disturb, so
I sit at the edge of this vastness and remain quiet.
I look out over the landscape of wild moments
and I see the path my heart has taken.
I feel the fullness of the moon and the turning of the earth.
I hear myself in the breeze.
I have been woven into a tapestry of timelessness.
Words can not capture this.
My heart knows how to
let the waves crash and fall,
and rise again.
I am pulled by the moon.
I am held in love.
I am blessed by grace.
To the mind that wants to explain,
to know everything,
be still now.
Let the water be still,
I carefully prepared dozens of roses to dry. I gently placed them in a special container with silica and whispers of gratitude. Over time, the reds and yellows faded, and I knew they were losing the weight of the rain.
But then I opened up the jar and saw the powdery proof.
After so much care.
After so much thought.
After so much concern.
The roses were covered in mildew Every one of them.
I quickly ran out to the deck and put them in the sunshine, hoping they could somehow be salvaged.
Hoping that all of my intention wasn't covered up and infected by something I had not willingly invited.
I wondered if I was doing it all wrong.
I wondered if maybe I wasn't meant to have the roses.
I wondered if I wasn't ready to have them.
I am not going to find any lessons in this today.
In my anger at myself.
In my sadness for what has been lost.
I am going to let go for the moment.
Let my worries sit in the sun.
"Surrounded by Deity" -- upcoming Witches & Pagans issue