I thought I had lost you muse.
I thought I had left you behind for the To Do list and the I-Need-to-Achieve-this-because-others-already-have list.
I thought I had forgotten the way you tickle at my heart
and whisper in my ear the poetry of the simple moments, the big songs, the aching times.
you found me.
You fought through my fear.
You cut away the things that held me back.
You rescued me and you calmed my quivering disbelief.
You found me in the tears, in the quiet, in the stillness
that I thought was absence.
I am found.
I am found.
Awake and alive, my soul sings words that connect me back,
back to the times where the possibility of creation
It wasn't a project,
or a goal,
or a statement of anything more than:
here I am right now. Here we are right now.
I am led and revealed.
I am the muse.
I am beginning and ending, and starting anew and starting from the places I know.
It began with a promise to seek you out - to know you completely.
To know myself completely.
To know the beauty that arises when we're not looking.
We're being found.
Again and again.
I don't know how to write about silence. In the pauses between this, that, and the other thing, I've caught glimpses of the possibility that the nothingness is something.
I have felt myself drawn inward, into the folds of my own heart, into the forgotten places, the unedited, unflinching realms. I have been quietly exploring and reassuring my own stories. Away from others, so close to myself.
I didn't see it coming. I couldn't have guessed that just around the corner of there and back again was this. So quiet.
How do I talk about silence?
There is a part of me that wants to tell the story of who I am right now, who I am becoming, who I am remembering. But it is fragile, and unsure, and unsteady. A newly born potentiality or perhaps something that has always resided in the fields of my own unrecognized longing.
I watch the movement of the moon and the stars, quietly journeying across the sky, to return again. Sometimes the light is clouded, sometimes it is bright enough to wake me from sleep. Still moving, still knowing.
Not asking why or how or what happens next.
Like love. The sinking into something unrecognizable, yet desired. So desired. A reunion of self, the grace of mystery.
Taking a deep breath before...something.
This silence is a gift.
I don't know what to say.
And that's okay.
"Surrounded by Deity" -- upcoming Witches & Pagans issue