I need it to be quiet.
I need it to be still.
I need the gotta do's and the must do's to cross themselves off, or back away slowly.
I need to rest between the joys.
I need to refresh between the tears and broken-open-ness.
That's when I renew.
That's when I rebuild and restore and reboot.
My perspective can catch its breath and settle. I can begin to see what's really, truly around me.
This world is so loud sometimes. It demands attention, energy, and action. It tells me to WAKE UP, YOU HAVE THINGS TO DO.
I know, I know.
Can't you see what I've already done? Can't you feel the way my heart has pushed against the world? Haven't I tried to shift possibility, experience, and truth?
Have I done enough? Will I ever do enough?
Right now, I need to close my eyes and count my breaths. I need to sit deep in the woods. I need to fill bowls with honey and cream and leave them as offerings. I need to remember that what I invite needs to feel welcome. I need to worship and pray and light the incense that needs to be lit.
That's how the magick gets in.
Breathe it in.
I need to step into myself.
I am my daily practice. I am my promise of stars and moons, as they move across the sky and back again.
I am the whisper in my own ear that says, "Breathe, baby, breathe."
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.
I come back to myself. I open my eyes and know how to be in my body again.
PS - How do you renew?
I chose the downward
As I looked upward
I forgot about the ground
I listened to the river in the wind
And I noticed that I was singing
I was singing
Turning around so quickly
I forgot where I was
I made myself dizzy
As I kept turning
Because I didn’t want to settle in one place
I use the sunlight as a way
To find my shadows
And seek them out
Letting them follow me
As I run
As I spin
As I forget
What it means to see
As I forget
What it means when I open my eyes
And really notice myself
When I catch a glimpse of myself
Across a crowded room
The room that’s filled with
And wasted moments
I whisper in my own ear
That I’d like to take myself home
That I’d like to get to know myself more
And I grab my coat
I take my hand
I follow myself out
I follow myself home
Rapids that pull me in,
currents that take me down to the edge between
who I am and
who I am.
I walk the journey,
I step into the water alone,
I run to the middle of the rocks,
hoping to be swept up,
by something more powerful and then
I notice the ripples I make.
Today is a good day to swim.
Today is a good day to swim...into grace.
I had a bit of an epiphany this morning as I was getting ready for my day. In my career, I am valued for the words I can craft. This makes sense and pays the bills.
In my personal life, I feel I only have value if I do things for other people. Oh, that's not healthy at all.
What is my value? How can I feel valuable absent the feelings of others, absent the needs of others?
I'm not sure I even understand the idea of value anymore since it seems to only appear (for me) when others are around. If that's true, then does value disappear when you're alone? Are you value-less?
Things I need to think about.
I am quite happy the sun is out right now. Sure, the rain has its merits and it is a necessity, but for me, the sun is what I crave.
Even when I think all I do is think about the darkness, I realize that it's the sun I desire. I long for the clouds to part, the breeze to blow, and the brightness to overwhelm me.
I want to be overwhelmed,
To be taken by a moment,
To be moved,
To be shifted,
To be begun.
I have been begun,
Of my own doing,
Of my own knowing,
Of my own beginning.
Let me begin now
In the sun of the afternoon,
Where the rain still drips down,
But I am not wet.
"Surrounded by Deity" -- upcoming Witches & Pagans issue